Do we have buttons? Like our own internal "self-destruct" button or even a small "let loud noises irritate you" button? I think I have the corner on all those buttons right now.
I think I push them myself. I think the button that makes me want to eat fried chicken is broken. It got turned on a few days ago and it won't turn off. How about the sleep/coma button? I swear it's been pushed and is stuck on. I keep napping.
They say signs of depression are often hard to recognize. But what about when you're so incredibly aware of them and you don't care anymore? I can say right now that I'm not depressed, and yet I exhibit all the classic signs.
I've been trying to lower the levels of caffeine in my body for the past week. I haven't cut myself off completely but I've been trying to get through the day with half a cup or just one cup. It's making me miserable. I have withdrawl headaches and feel lke crap. I complain all the time.
I need rehab.
And drugs.
And some cute clothes would be nice.
Oh and free drycleaning for a year too.
posted by Customized Chaos at 3:50 PM
I've never even seen cocaine, let alone contemplated ways to resist. ok?
posted by Customized Chaos at 11:32 PM
A lot can happen in a month. I tried to think back to my post at the beginning of the month. My parents were here... an adorable guy and I were flirting... I was going to spend July 4th resisting the urge to snort cocaine because "everyone else was".
When did I forget? Does my brain force me to forget? or did I not know in the first place? All the things I'm unaware of... why don't I know them? I'm told I only remember the things that are important to me. How do I decide what's important to me? How can I place value on the things I want to remember? How do I form remarkable patterns in my life if I can't seem to duplicate just a few good ones?
I went camping and someone broke out the "Book of Questions." I hate it. I don't like their questions. I like my questions. Why do their questions get published and mine fall into the deep pit of my empty mind? How come I can't remember what my questions are?
Would someone PLEASE buy me a pen?
posted by Customized Chaos at 5:36 PM
I like Clark Bull. I don't like Clark.
I like peanut butter. I don't like peanuts.
I like my tummy. But I don't like my abs.
I like hell. I don't like heaven.
I like batter. I don't like pancakes.
I like faggots. I don't like gay boys.
I like loopholes. I don't like evasion.
I like skirting the issue. I don't like deceit.
I like immunity. I don't like disease.
I like kissing. I don't like lips.
I like galloping. I don't like horses.
I like opportunity. I don't like chances.
I like Charlotte's Web. I don't like the Trumpet of the Swan.
I like assholes. I don't like bastards.
I like cellulite. I don't like fat.
posted by Customized Chaos at 12:33 PM
Two things. My parents drive me crazy. And I met a cute boy. What if my reaction to the presence of a parental figure is to go out and find someone wonderful? Does that mean I need my parents around all the time? Does this mean they're a good influence on me? Or does it mean there's absolutely no correlation and I've made something significant of two separate events?
I don't make sense to myself. I drive myself crazy. Maybe I subconsciously become my parents in order to compensate for how much they bug me.
posted by Customized Chaos at 4:20 PM 