I just got a couple of books on Freud. So instead of having to pretend to know what I'm talking about, I can research and THEN pretend I know what I'm talking about. I discovered that the Anal phase isn't actually just an anal phase. It's a Sadistic-Anal phase! I haven't read on to see if the Phallic phase is just a Phallic phase.
I'm going to read my Freud book and find out why I'm so depressed when my mother tells me she loves me.
posted by Customized Chaos at 7:28 PM
I just invited my friend Jenny to join my blog. I'd link you to her fabulous blog but I don't know how. She's at bubblevicious.blogspot.com.
PHALLIC
Ok I didn't want to move on to the penis so abruptly but there's been enough foreplay for me. I could go on for hours about Jenny but it might embarrass her. (Jenny you're not supposed to read that part.)
So the penis. So my penis. So your penis. What about it? It's got about one use. Maybe a bit more at times but hardly enough to be two uses.
I just want a man to call my own. I know this has nothing to do with Freud. Nothing to do with Oral or Anal or Phallic. But I want one. I want one bad. He's got to be gorgeous. I don't care where he works. I don't care where he lives. He just needs to be perfect for me.
I'm pathetic. I know I'll be editing this out very very soon.
If you know any cute single guys that want to go on a date or two I'll say yes if they ask. I promise. I won't say no. It might not work out, but it helps to know they're not going to get shot down.
posted by Customized Chaos at 11:50 PM
PHALLIC
I'm also scared of large penises. I don't want to discuss it. It's not jealousy. It's fear.
p.s. Freud would probably say "Ahhh!" <------ quoting someone more learned than I
posted by Customized Chaos at 9:19 PM
ANAL
What would Freud say if he found out I'm scared of my ass?
posted by Customized Chaos at 11:00 PM
ORAL
My first blog. I want it to be a cherished memory. Like chocolate cake. All Sweet and Fattening. You put it in your mouth, close your eyes, move the frosting around with your teeth and tongue, and then slowly swallow.
But how can my blog cause that same reaction? All Sweet and Fattening? And when I think of creamy frosting in my mouth I think of the day I ate an entire jar of Duncan Hines Creamy Home-Style Cream Cheese frosting with a spoon in bed. I think I went into some sugar-induced coma 'cause I woke up the next morning with the spoon stuck to my stomach. Like glued.
Everything reminds me of ejaculate. I can't get it off my mind. How it sticks to your stomach. How sometimes it's dry and flaky afterwards and sometimes it's smeary like oily spit. Does that take me out of my Oral Phase and into the Phallic? Or is there some new phase where you obsess about saliva and ejaculate? I can't bring myself to call it the c-word because it just seems so not Freud-Like. Is ejaculate Sweet and Fattening?
OH MY GOD WHAT IF IT WAS SWEET ALL THE TIME? I read a trashy gay porno once where the guy had like every guy he'd ever slept with knocking on his door to suck his penis because they claimed his goo was like whipped lemony sugar. Like addicted to it. Gobs and Gobs of whipped lemony sugar. I'm convinced it's not possible.
I just said Gobs of Goo. This is a horrible start to my blog. No one will read this. I'll be censored. I'll have to write about cake recipies and try to avoid thinking of how much fun it is to lick the spatula. And the beaters. And the bowl. And the spoons. And my fingers.
posted by Customized Chaos at 12:24 PM 